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Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
I am a 35 soon to be 36 year old woman and I am still unmarried. I have been looking for a spouse since the age of 19/20. I have been rejected left and right to the point where I want to give up entirely. The reason for these rejections is the fact that I am not conventionally attractive.
I know that Allah SWT created me and I am a beautiful creation to him but society has not been so kind to me. I have been rejected by men more then I can remember and it is absolutely soul crushing. I have had the men come to our home and never hear from him again. My parents have sent photos of me and I never hear from them again. I have tried looking myself with no success and I have tried online matrimonial services and still no luck. I now have my looks and age against me.
I look on instagram and there are beautiful muslim women (both hijabi and non hijabi) who pose in pictures and are adorned with makeup. I know that this is wrong but these women get their husbands quickly. I have been tempted several times to take such photos in hopes that I too find a husband, but I never go through with it.
I had one man who was interested in me but my family found out that he just wanted to marry me for a visa. He had a lover/girlfriend back home in Pakistan that he wanted to bring to the UK once he would obtain his visa. This crushed me and I lost all hope.
Not only that but I am now craving for a male presence in my life and I dont mean just sexually. I want a male presence that I can call my companion and my friend. Alhamdulillah by the mercy of Allah SWT I have been able to control urges in my younger years and I am very happy about that, but now its getting to the point where I really need a male in my life.
I havent even mentioned the fact that I am the cause of my parent’s stress. I see how sad they are worrying about me. I am completely heartbroken to see them like this and its all my fault.

My questions are;
Do I have any hope of getting married?
Is there anything I can pray that will help me?
How can I prepare myself mentally if marriage is not destined for me?
How can I prepare myself mentally for being alone for the rest of my life? (my family will eventually pass on)
How can I boost my self esteem?
How do I handle rejection?
How do I not become a jealous/bitter person especially when I see couples out and about?
Any information will be greatly appreciated.
I apologise if I have said anything offensive and may Allah SWT forgive me.
Jazakallah khair

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